Falling...DOWN, Down, down

Dear Reader-

Do you ever have seasons in your life when the Lord works on your pride?
Well, I am in one of those seasons....and it hurts!!!
Not just a little ouch that a band aid will fix, but a full blown-out operation ouch!

I don't know why I am surprised and disappointed whenever the Lord reveals my pride. After all, I have knowledge of verses concerning pride:

Proverbs 16:18-19- "Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before stumbling. It is better to be humble in spirit with the lowly than to divide the spoil with the proud."

Proverbs 26: 12- "Do you see a man wise in his own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him."

Even more sobering is the prophecy against Edom mentioned in Jeremiah:
Jeremiah 49:14-16- "I have heard a message from the Lord, and an envoy is sent among the nations, saying, 'Gather yourselves together and come against her, and rise up for battle! For behold, I have made you small among the nations, despised among men. As for the terror of you, the arrogance of your heart has deceived you, O you who live in the clefts of the rock, who occupy the height of the hill. Though you make your nest as high as an eagle's, I will bring you down from there,' declares the Lord." (emphasis added)

Yet, every time my pride is challenged by the Lord, I shudder and say, "Me? Pride?" (just asking that is certainly evidence of my pride!) I should know by now that my Good Father is just faithfully removing all those yucky parts of me that do not bring Him honor and glory. I should gladly welcome these refining moments, but I simply don't!

Truthfully, I loathe them. It is so uncomfortable to be ironed out...starched, steamed, pressed, and hung; ready again for display and wear. He is so good at reaching way down to the depths of our very being, grabbing one of the many things inside of us that we wish were not there. We try to hide these gross offenses to the Lord WAY down, hoping He will not notice them under the pile of things that are much easier to let Him straighten out.

But recently, the Lord reached His faithful hand once again to the bottom of the pile to reveal and bring to light my pride...my disgusting, offensive, dirty, selfish pride. As I realized what the Lord was attempting to accomplish in me, I once again ran; hoping to avoid these issues altogether.

"I mean, really Lord...haven't I given enough lately. I just had a baby, I am faithfully serving my family, I am diligently praying, I am sooooo sleep-deprived. And all for you, remember?"

Oh, how I hate the I word: I, I , I , I , I !!! Enough already, Sarah! It's not about all that I am doing! But it's about what my heart, my way down deep heart, is and continues to be. This is what my Lord is concerned about: Is the meditation of my heart pure and pleasing to Him? Are the places inside of me that no one EVER even sees and are not likely to ever know about bringing Him glory?

Once again, in response to the Lord's questions, I found myself saying, "No, Lord. My heart inside is rotten. I am filled with pride. My pride is such an abhorrence before you. I repent...I am sorry for this display of false independence. As if I have it sooo together that I do not need you! I so desperately need you, Jesus! I am absolutely NOTHING without you! Once again, please change my heart!"

After all of this, I began to feel more comfortable. The work God was doing in me began to have a better fit. I no longer rejected His hand upon me, but welcomed it gladly, like a child eagerly accepting a gift. I now have been cleansed by my Righteous King. I feel wiped out, scrubbed, disinfected, rinsed, buffed and polished. I feel great...I am free!!!

Until the next time my pride forms a filthy, scummy layer of grungy gunk inside the hallways of my heart. And that time will come for sure. Hopefully next time, though, I will welcome sooner the generous, gentle, and quiet work of My Lord inside of me.

I will aim to keep close to mind the following verses:

Proverbs 3:11-12- "My son, do not reject the discipline of the Lord or loathe His reproof. For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights."

John 3:30-31- "He must increase, but I must decrease. He who comes from above is above all (especially me!), he who is of the earth is from the earth and speaks of the earth (definitely me!), He who comes from heaven is above all (Amen!)." (emphasis added)

Celebrating the purification of my heart,

Sarah D.